More Diary of a Fat Girl

I love food. Most fat people do....and yet, I hate the fact that my body loves it so much that it refuses to let me burn up the calories. When I'm following my low-carb diet, I praise myself. I'm "good" when I follow it AND I'm losing weight. Conversely, I'm "bad" when I don't follow it and regain all of the weight I've lost.

This week, I was bad.

The hardest part of dieting is understanding that for me, it's not a straight formula for weight loss. If it was, I'd have this damned thing licked. No, it's a carbohydrates issue...and I proved it to myself once and for all this week.

On Monday, I stepped on the scale. I'd lost 4 pounds. Go, me! And I drank all weekend. Not excessively, mind you. A couple of drinks on Friday....a couple on Saturday. I saved my carbs both days, in fact, to allow me to have them without guilt.

I ran in the morning, walked in the evening, drank two light beers to wash down my bunless burger and salad. Daytime cheat included a giant frozen mochaccino from Einstein's that was the equivalent to a full-course meal, I'm sure.

Tuesday, I walked. I didn't drink anything stronger than iced tea to wash down my burger wrap.

Wednesday, I ran in the morning, walked in the evening, had one light beer to wash down the THREE PIECES OF PIZZA I had for supper.

Thursday, I had two drinks. Ate four chicken wings, half a chicken quesadilla, one chicken popper and three cheese sticks. Did not exercise.

Today: I ran. I weighed myself. Packed those 4 pounds back on. I feel as if I failed utterly and completely. Really? 4 pounds can do that?

It triggered a tumble of blame games. Why did I let the girl at Einstein's talk me into a large frozen mochaccino? Oh, right. They don't use simple syrup and I hate the puddle of sugar at the bottom of their iced coffees. I just wanted it a little sweet. Instead, I had liquid chocolate pie complete with whipped cream.

4 pounds.


Why didn't I eat salads all week? Oh, right. Because salads cost more and they're like Chinese food: I'm hungry again two hours later. Much better to order meat with veggies. Which I did.

Why did I drink anything with alcohol in it? Oh, right. Because it's hot out and I'd rather drink a beer than have too much sugar or caffeine at night. 8 carbs, 90 calories...better choice than Coke, iced tea or lemonade.

Three pieces of pizza. About 800 calories. 800 calories worth of pizza made me gain 4 pounds?

I burned about 1500 calories by running and walking. Every pound is approximately 3500 calories. That's 14,000 calories.

Clearly, I didn't exceed anything by 14,000 calories. It's carbohydrates. I exceeded my carb allotment.

How long will it take me to lose these 4 pounds again? I don't know. I might lose and regain these same 4 pounds over and over again before they finally leave for good. Pounds for me are like cockroaches...and I need a better exterminator.

I hate this.