Does this make me look fat?
No. Your fat makes you look fat.
Bogue? Oh, yes...but true. My fat makes me look fat. And old. Are those jowls on either side of my mouth? Is the reason I lack too many visible wrinkles is because my fat's pressing them out?
Fuck.
I'd really like to step on the scale and see the number go down for a change. And then I got my wish. I went to my doctor's on Saturday. I boldly stepped on the scale. A 5-pound loss since December?
I've worked out hard, gone to bed hungry, put back that second cookie, tracked my calories like some OCD math nerd. 5 pounds? Are you fucking kidding me? I stepped off the scale feeling my heart get fat with disappointment. I told myself that it's better than the alternative, but truly, I could put on 5 pounds in hours. I wouldn't even have to try to gain 5 pounds. Why the hell is it so damned hard for me to lose more than a few pounds?
My doctor eyeballed me. The other numbers told the rest of the story: Blood pressure was 110/70. My resting heart rate was 68 after several cups of coffee. My temperature habitually ran low. Today, I logged in at 97.5.
I shrugged.
He paged through my file, silently and then tapped the hormone test results page. "You'll need another hormone test," he muttered. "These are more than six months old...and your thyroid was borderline. We may have to put you on thyroid medication."
Magic words, thyroid medication.
3 comments:
Not to break your heart, but my thyroid medication has done nothing for my weight. And the endocrinologist says it only accounts for 2 or 3 pounds.
Alas, my thyroid is perfectly healthy...I'll have to keep dieting.
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